Conversations to the World

So I was REJECTED…

Yesterday, I finally received an email to an application that I submitted before 2020 ends. I saw this application as an opportunity for me to grow, both in academics and professional space. I held it so dearly despite my “what ifs” and countless doubts if I’m really qualified. “Ask yourself again if you’re qualified,” I sighed. I prayed for it, asked for a sign, and even bargain with God to make this one an answer to my five-year-old prayer. Whenever I see myself down while filling up the necessary information, writing the essay prompts, and submitting documentation, God always sends an encouragement. “This might be His plan then” is what I always reply, so I pushed forward. I’ve made many applications before, but this one feels like a “make it or break it” deal for me. It feels like my future might collapse without it, but I was rejected as I entered the first paragraph. 

You know it when you see the word “Thank You,” a sandwich method I also use. I felt sad for a moment as I’m silently blocking the months for the program. I thought this was for me, though. The signs, encouragements, and its significance feel like it’s coming at me. So I just moved forward and continued finishing the requirements of my final exams. Anyways, I don’t want to beat a dead horse, and I have my deadlines this semester. When the night came, the weather was chilly, and the house is quiet; I reflected and realized that I even bargained with God for this. And it made SO much sense. As I come to my senses, I also realized the unknowns 2021 holds for me. I feel so lost and scared for this year. My last semester will start in the next two weeks. 

I believe in God, but I don’t have confidence in my capabilities. I know he paved the way (yes, paved), but I’m stuck in my own feet, looking at everything around me when I should look forward and put confidence. I’m not so looking forward to this year, and my mentor knows why. I used to be excited about finishing my degree, but this feels rare. I even looked for other exams that I can take this year to evaluate whether putting confidence in my capabilities is worth it. Looking for exams where I can put my money and still not sure to pursue it. Good thing, my mama told me not to take that exam since I will not really go for it once accepted, and it will just be a waste of money and time.

Validation – that’s what I’m looking for in this world right now. Not having confidence in myself and my capabilities drifted me from the real and ultimate purpose of eternity. You can’t trust God without trusting yourself. He is at work within me, and His power is not limited. Your achievements do not define your worth; we are all bought for a price. So one of my intentions this year is not to discount myself and just take a leap. I hope you’ll take a leap too.

Also grateful that I witnessed my four amazing and kind girls graduate from Crossroad today. It’s a pleasure spending Sundays with them, and I’m beyond grateful that I will continue to handle them for Elevate. And do you know how moved I am when I received a message from my handle after graduation? This is the biggest achievement I have so far this 2021, and my rejection will not overshadow it, not even for a bit.

This blog may come as a surprise to many; yes, I do get rejections. As a matter of fact, I have more rejections than acceptance. And that’s okay. As my life motto, “Rejection is a redirection.” I am grateful when I received a rejection, for it allows me to discover what’s really for me and what’s not meant for me. It navigates my path, clears my doubts, and encourages me to do more. I hope already to share the best plan for me or my redirection, but I’m still looking and praying for it. I’ll keep you all updated. For now, don’t discount yourself and jump off the cliff (a metaphor). Regret is our only enemy. Go for it, sister!